this beer tastes like vomit already
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
