I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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