hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize