I seem to have left my pride at pride
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
