i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
