How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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