I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
