Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
