Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
