Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
