is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
