ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
