I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
