Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize