Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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