My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
