i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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