My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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