My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
