Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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