My first STD was from a foam party
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
