Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
