quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize