his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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