Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
