somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
