your room smells of hookers.
And success
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
