she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
