you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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