I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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