You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
