I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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