So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
