this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
