So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize