So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
