If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
