Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
