How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
