If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
