Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
