I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
