There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
