There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
