Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
