You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
should my penis look like a turkey
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
