I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
