1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
