I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
