its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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